Dear Dumbs,
Let me start by saying that I look forward to Monday’s now because of your Gang of Two podcast.
Let me get right to it. Three years ago my wife and I spent our 20th wedding anniversary in France. We saved for ten years with the intent of doing it right. We really wanted to celebrate, and we accomplished that goal.
Before we left for the trip my wife’s mother got very sick. It was pretty serious, but we decided to go anyway thinking that we would be rested to take care of her needs when we returned.
So far so good right?
Well, while we were in Paris I got a call from her neighbor that said an ambulance was in front of her house, and they would call me as soon as they got more information. I decided to keep that information to myself as to not ruin the mood of our celebration.
Plus we really didn’t know what or if anything was wrong.
With the time difference I didn’t hear from them again until the following morning, as we were just getting ready to leave for the brunch my wife had planned. I took the phone call outside because the reception was better and that’s when I was informed that my mother-in-law had passed.
I made the decision right there to keep the information to myself. That was no easy task because my thoughts were how and when would be best to break the news to my wife. I decided I had to tell her, however, I would do it after dinner that night.
Boy was that a mistake. I’ve been paying for the way I handled the situation for three years now. She’s still grieving and now thinks I’m heartless and selfish. I thought my heart was in the right place.
Do you think this will ever get better? I’m hoping it’s something we can actually laugh at down the road.
Dick,
Green Cove Springs
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REPLY:
TERRY: Well your parents gave you the right name, Dick.
SHARI: Wow. This is a whopper, Dick. As an outsider, I appreciate you trying to save your vacation-of-a-lifetime, but you may have sacrificed your marriage to do it. I’m sure that while your wife was really enjoying herself prior to the awful news, she also wanted to be told her mother was in the hospital. You also had to take into consideration that you wouldn’t be able to get back home very quickly. I respect that.
TERRY: Hell, I probably couldn’t wait to break the news to Shari if that happened. That being said, I’m about 90% in your camp on this one Dick. You were put in a no-win situation. To me the only thing you’re doing wrong is your lack of salesmanship. Your wife needs to appreciate the position you were put in. For her to still label you as heartless and selfish is a bit harsh.
SHARI: Let’s cut to the chase. Really the only selfish person in this scenario is the mother. I mean, she ruined your expensive vacation!
TERRY: Shari is right, only because she speaks from experience. I guarantee you that when it’s her mother’s time to checkout she will make sure she gets in one final jab at Shari. I hope you show this article to your wife, because I believe that she’s the one that needs the advice. She needs to let you off the hook. It’s been a few years now and I truly don’t think she’s taken the time to put herself in your shoes.
SHARI: Yep, I’m the daughter of a narcissist, bless her heart. Dick - you made a really bad decision but it sounds like you’ve paid the price. Your wife either needs to forgive you and move on or leave you. Staying together so she can kick you around just isn’t fair.
TERRY: Yes. I agree. She’s brought the pain long enough and you obviously regret your decision. I know if she read this about somebody else she would laugh. She might even agree if it wasn’t about her. So, to wife of Dick, stop being a dick. Your husband had his heart in the right place. He was all about your happiness and that’s what you want in a partner.
